Yes, a bug bite. This post is about a bug bite. “Who cares?” you say. “What’s the big deal with a little bug bite?” you question. Let me assure you, dear readers, this is not your average bug bite, and I have had a good amount of run-ins with bug bites. Part of being awkward means that me and nature don’t get along real well, so I have had my fair share of bites, stings, pinches, etc.
This has to be the worst bug bite I have ever gotten, which is saying something because one time when I was 8 I sat down on top of a red ant hill (yep, I’ve been this unfortunately awkward my whole life) and got straight-up attacked. True story. Maybe I’m being a bit melodramatic, but I stand by my original claim that this is definitely one of the worst bug bites I have ever gotten.
I kid you not when I say that the affected area is the size of a QUARTER. That’s right, 25 cents worth of sheer itchy pain.
But perhaps you are still skeptical. You think to yourself, “yeah that sucks, but I mean, is it really that bad?” Fear not, for I have yet to tell you the worst part of all.
This itchy, painful, quarter-sized bug bite from hell is located right on my butt. In other words, the WORST, and most awkward location to possibly get a bug bite.
I’ve been walking around all day trying not to itch it, and when I do, I feel the urge to shout out, “I have a bug bite! That’s all!” And you know what else, being the unlucky college student that I am, I of course had a final today. I’m sitting in one of those tiny, uncomfortable little lecture chairs, trying to focus on Alexander Pope, but all I can think about it how insanely itchy my butt is! I wriggle around in my seat, hoping that will somehow relieve the burning sensation. And this goes on for an HOUR AND A HALF until I finally finish my final and run out of there.
There is one silver lining to this whole incident. I read online that if you put toothpaste on your bug bite, it will help stop the itching, and it actually kind of works. In other words, my butt has never smelled more minty fresh.